


Utopia

by thorkihost



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Prison Sex, Psychological Trauma, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-18
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:40:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 17,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkihost/pseuds/thorkihost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After his defeat on Earth, Loki is returned to Asgard to face punishment. Out of sight from the utopia above, the fallen prince changes into something no one anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Stage is Set

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter is just to set the stage, it's the following ones that get really intense. I cannot stress the amount of psychological damage that will be done. Please read with caution.

Upon returning home to Asgard, Loki was taken away by the palace guards. Thor did not see him again until his brother was being brought before Odin to receive punishment. Loki was forced to kneel before their father, though he lifted his head enough to glare at the king. Thor heard the charges as they were read, but he already knew them. He watched his shackled sibling more than he listened, for Loki’s eyes darted around the room like a crazed animal and he snarled from behind the muzzle whenever a guard adjusted their hold on him.

The punishment for his crimes should be death, the All-Father said, but at Frigga’s cry and Thor’s instant plea for mercy, the King of Asgard paused. Loki seemed to be laughing, but it was impossible to tell for certain with the gag still in place. Eternal silence and imprisonment was the decided punishment, and to a liesmith such as Loki it must seem very similar to death.

The trickster had the muzzle removed and his lips sewn shut by his adoptive father before the whole court. His every whimper of pain melting into a growl and his tears mixed with the blood that gushed down his chin. He dry-heaved in agony as soon as the last stitch was knotted. His cuffed hands pressed to his mouth to try and stop the bleeding.  
Thor could do nothing for him. He looked sadly on as long as he could before it was too painful to watch. All he could think was that at least his little brother was being permitted to live. This part of the punishment would be over swiftly, and then it would be peace in a cell. Although Odin had stated that the imprisonment would be for all time, the golden prince knew it did not have to be so. Either Thor would beg, after an appropriate amount of time had passed, for his father to show mercy once more and release the wayward son of Asgard, or Loki would be freed when the thunderer became king. Then he would have his brother back and things could be as they once were.  
His brother had to be dragged to Asgard’s prison, too weak after the forced-silencing to walk properly himself. Thor retired to his chambers to relax for the first time since before he’d gone to Earth to fetch the liesmith.

Thor did not know that Loki’s punishment was unfinished, even once he’d been put into his cell. He was entirely unaware of the way the trickster’s hands were being chained above his head, his clothes torn from his already too-thin frame. The golden price was oblivious to the fact that his brother was being beaten by the guards and raped while Odin walked sadly from the dungeons. Thor did not know of this torture, of how it was done to Loki daily in the prison when the criminal could not even scream. Instead, the God of Thunder went about his days training and hunting and laughing with his friends. A thought would be spared for his brother every day, though he dared never visit, for he knew Loki would still resent him for his part in the capture.


	2. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is tortured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of rape (not very detailed, but frequently mentioned). Forced-abortion. Trauma of every kind really.

Loki was beaten and raped so often he didn’t bother trying to keep any specific count. Time passed different in the prisons anyway. A day in Asgard above was almost a year below. Since the prisoners were gods, who took many thousands of years to die naturally, it seemed a logical way to keep criminals. The trickster tried to track the days for a short time, but soon lost the numbers in the wake of a particularly gruesome rape that five guards took part in. There was no point in trying to remember anyway.

Escape was an idea he entertained, at least as a means of keeping his mind active for a while. But the guards were ever present, even if not in the cell with him. He could barely move his fingers anymore; they’d been bound above his head for so long. He thought about ripping the metal straight from the ceiling then using the long chain to lash each one of the men who raped him until they were nothing but clumps of flesh at his feet. He would laugh over their corpses and vow to do the same to their families. Or maybe one day he would use his shackles to help lift himself up so he could land a good kick right on the head guard’s nose, using his heel to shove upwards until the man’s brain was severed and he was a vegetable. The other guards would be terrified of him. He would cackle after them as they fled.

These were fantasies. He was too weak to do any of it, and his mouth was still very useless beneath the thread that held his lips together. The thoughts didn’t even make Loki feel better after a while. It was all too hopeless.

Sometimes, there would be an indication of the passage of time. Even then it wasn’t exact, but it was there. It was a spark of life within him, a product of the guards’ frequent visitations. He could feel it inside, growing and sharing his already so very weak life force. The life would flicker out around two or three months, always. The guards would see the bulge of his normally boney form and become disgusted. They beat the life away before shoving more inside of him.

How he loathed feel them touching everywhere, all over and inside of him. Some would yank hard on his hair as they took him; some would slap his arse or bite at the skin of his back and neck. He couldn't cry out, could barely even get a whimper past his lips. They took turns usually, but sometimes grew too impatient to wait and bent Loki’s legs up so two of them could push in at once. There was always blood, because none of them bothered with preparation for the sake of a prisoner, even if that prisoner was once their prince. Loki had been torn open so many times that he doubted he would ever heal properly; if at all. There were always fresh bruises coloring his once-creamy skin, flesh that was drawn tight over protruding bones.

For a long time, Loki blamed the Avengers, and Midgard, and Thor, and Odin, and Asgard, and he hated them all. But, after a time, he found he couldn’t recall what Midgard had looked like. He didn’t know why he’d been there. Nor did he know the faces of the Avengers. Their names. And the gleaming city of Asgard soon became so distant in his mind that the image of it soon vanished for him, too. The All-Father’s booming voice shook his mind for a long time more, but did eventually fall into a mere whisper and vanish. Thor, the golden son, always shining and superior, stayed in his memory the longest. Loki could not hate the brother he somewhat remembered, could not recall just how he was meant to feel about him. It mattered not. Thor’s face slipped away as well.

He hadn’t had access to his magic since he was shackled on…that place. He felt empty without it for the very long time, the aching loss of it keeping him somewhat present in the prison cell. It was when he forgot his own name that the ache dulled and left him.

There was nothing but the stone and the chains. There were the guards and there was pain. There was cold, and sometimes there was wetness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The characters belong to Marvel.


	3. Red and Yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki meets someone knew.

The men came in. Their mouths moved up in that way that meant bad. They grabbed him and made him hurt and made him full. He cried every time. They often made sounds to each other. It made their whole bodies shake with its staccato release of breath and noise. Their mouths were up when they made this noise.

Loki tried it when he was alone but nothing came out. His mouth did not work like theirs. There was pain when he moved his mouth up like they did. When he tried sound, all he could manage was a weak “Eeee”. He was very pleased when he made this noise. He did it again and again, nodding his head from side to side as he enjoyed the sound.

He used to know when the man with wet would come (it was the same day each week, when he understood that increment of time), but now it was always a surprise. “Eeee!” he called happily, and the man’s mouth went up. The tiny end of the funnel was placed between the strings of his lips, just barely fitting even though it was so small already, and then wet went down into his mouth. It was cool and good. Sometimes there was too much wet and it would come out his nose. He cried when that happened, but soon forgot when more wet was in his mouth and going down inside him.

This was the good kind of full. The bad kind was after the men came in and were inside of him. Even worse kind of full was when his middle got bigger. He hurt always, but he hurt worse when the men saw his middle and made it small again. There was a lot of red when they did that. Red on the floor and one his legs and his toes. He tried telling his middle to stop getting big, but it did not listen. There was one good that came after the pain and the red. Wet would be poured all over him. It was so good, taking the red away and making the places that hurt stop screaming at him so much.

He always greeted wet with “Eeee!” Even if wet was going inside him or all over him, wet was good and he wanted to tell wet he liked it. He did not like the cold that came after having wet all over him, but he was not mad at wet for it. Cold was better than hot, which he always felt when the men where against him and inside. He couldn’t breathe in hot. Hot was pain and bad. He hated hot.

One day a man came who was not the men Loki saw all the time. This one was big with yellow hair. His mouth did not go up when he saw Loki. Maybe this meant he brought wet? “Eeee?” Loki asked tentatively, but as the man came closer he saw that his hands were empty and there was no wet.

The man started crying, but there was no one inside of him and no red. Loki did not know why he cried. The yellow man put his arms around Loki, and the hot made Loki whimper and cry, too. The man made noises, soft sounds that went with his gentle touches. Yellow man pulled something from his clothes, but it was not wet so Loki didn’t greet it as the object was lifted and placed near his hands above his head. There was a click and suddenly Loki was falling.

He cried more on the floor, because he did not know why he was there. Yellow man put his hands under Loki’s arms and pulled him up, but Loki just dropped back to the floor when the hands were gone. Loki did not know what was happening. Why was the man making him fall? He was not used to the ground and did not think he liked it very much. Yellow man stopped dropping him after he was on the floor one more time and instead the man picked Loki up altogether.

Yellow man took him outside. Loki saw the other men outside and that made him cry against the chest of the man carrying him. Then the men where gone and there was too much light. Loki’s hands lifted to stop the light, then he noticed his fingers. He wanted to see where Yellow man was taking him, but he also liked watching his fingers move for the first time. He thought only the other men could move their fingers, like their mouths. Loki made his “Eeee” sound of delight and showed the Yellow man his wiggling fingers. Yellow man did not seem to like his fingers, so Loki stopped showing them and settled for admiring them on his own.

Then he was falling again. Before he could cry, Loki realized that he was not on the ground after the fall. It was good, whatever it was he fell upon. Soft and good like clothing men wore, but this wasn’t on a man. This was on a huge square. Yellow man was standing next to the square, watching as Loki took the soft between his fingers and made a few quiet “Eeee” sounds of pleasure. Then Yellow man was going away. Loki found that he could put his fingers on the soft and push on it until he was sitting on the square. This was better for watching the Yellow man walk away and over to a tall square with clothes in it.

Yellow man was not crying anymore, but his mouth never went up. Even though he hadn’t given Loki any wet, he’d let Loki feel lots of soft, so Loki decided that he liked Yellow man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters still belong to Marvel, despite how much I've traumatized them...


	4. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor retrieves his brother from the prison, slowly understanding that the Loki he knew is lost.

After so many months of pleading with the All-Father, Thor finally convinced him to allow Loki to be freed. However, it was on the condition that Loki be brought before the king and the court, where he must admit his guilt and repent for all of this wrongs. If he failed in this, he would be returned to the dungeons.

Thor did not doubt Loki would comply with so simple a task, especially after so long in isolation. In the prisons, it must have been nearly three centuries that had gone by, maybe a bit more. The thunderer fully expected to be greeted by his brother with a hard glare and perhaps even an attempt on his life, but he was glad to face it if it meant having Loki back.

As soon as Odin had acquiesced, the golden prince rushed straight to the dungeons, grinning broadly all the way. The guards were understandably surprised to see him, and even tried to block his way, but Thor just shoved them aside. Nothing would keep him from his sibling now.

His mind and body froze when he pushed open the door to Loki’s cell.

Pale skin, littered in sores and bruises. Each bone easily counted through thin flesh. Blood from small bite marks on the slender neck. More blood from between his thighs, the crimson mixed with the white of men’s pleasure. Hands gray where they were chained above his long raven haired head.

Then Loki looked at him, and it was clear in an instant that his brother did not know him. Green eyes, once so bright with intelligence and schemes, were wide and pale and utterly unknowing. Loki made a feeble sound through his sewn lips, and Thor almost turned and fled.

This poor creature was not Loki.

With tears sliding down his tanned face, the prince who had abandoned his beloved brother to unimaginable pain approached the shell of the trickster.

“I’m so sorry, Loki. Please, oh please, forgive me,” he murmured, wrapping his arms around the frail and boney frame, not even daring to embrace his brother properly lest Loki break in his grasp.

Thor heard his brother whimper, so he pulled away instantly, only to see that the dumb creature with Loki’s face was crying too. There was so much fear in those eyes, primal emotion and nothing deeper. The key Odin had given him slid easily into the lock upon Loki’s shackled hands. But Loki did not return to himself as soon as he was freed. He collapsed to the floor and cried harder.

“Oh, Loki…” Thor breathed in anguish, his hand briefly lifting to cover his own mouth and he watched the child-like being cry at his feet. He tried to pick Loki up, to set him on his feet so they could walk out together. But Loki had not walked in three hundred years; he no longer knew how. So it was with touches as gentle as he could manage that Thor scooped the weeping body into his arms and carried him from the dungeons.

By the time Loki was sitting on his bed, Thor was starting to understand just how infantile his brother’s mental state had become. He’d felt more tears well in his eyes when his once-beautiful liesmith tried to share the discovery of his fingers with him. The ache in his chest grew worse as he glanced over at Loki now, sitting upon the bed, playing with his toes and genitals without any understanding of what they were.

He found one of his brother’s tunics in his dresser, having ordered Loki’s possessions to his chambers when the All-Father had given the eternal sentence and the criminal’s chambers where deemed unnecessary. Thor also grabbed a pair of scissors on his way back over to the bed. Loki stopping making the squeaking sounds, the prince assumed they were of happiness, when the thunderer drew near.

“I’m going to free your mouth, then you’ll get a nice bath, alright?” Thor asked in the most soothing tone he could manage when looking upon his brother so broken. Loki did not give any indication he understood, only reacting when Thor’s hand went to the back of his head to hold him in place as he brought the scissors to the thread. Loki whimpered and squirmed in panic, but Thor held him firm. The strings were cut quickly, though the skin had healed around them and effectively embedded the thread in Loki’s lips until it could be surgically removed. His brother was able to open his mouth now, though, free to speak and to eat if he knew how.

Thor took Loki’s face between his large, calloused hands, and forced the wild and confused eyes of the other to focus on him. “Loki. Can you speak? The strings are cut now, do you understand? Can you say something to me?” he pleaded, thumbs brushing gently over his brother’s cheeks as he begged some response.

“Eeee-hee!” Loki answered, discovering half-way through his reply that he could make more than just the squeak he’d been using before. “Eeee, heeahh.” The creature began to babble, popping his lips together and opening them to make new noises, though all were still similar to sound he’d been making in the prison.

Loki did not know how to walk, nor to speak. Thor straightened, releasing the other’s face so his hands could clench at his sides and the hopelessness of the situation truly sunk in.

Loki shoved three fingers in his newly released mouth, opening and closing his lips around them as he made meek noises.

Despite the All-Father having formally altered Loki’s punishment from death to imprisonment, the trickster had been killed anyway.


	5. New is Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki discovers parts of the world outside of the dungeon.

The man lifted him off the soft too soon. Loki whined and squirmed, knotting his fingers in the soft in an attempt to stay there. Yellow man let out a lot of air from his mouth and looked like he wanted to cry again. Still, Loki hung on to the soft until he’d pulled it nearly half-way off the square before finally giving up and letting the man carry him away from it.

Yellow man seemed good and had not made him feel pain at all yet, so Loki dared to tug lightly on the hair that was on the man’s face. It was not as soft as other hair, like that on top of the head, but it felt good with the hot of the man’s body under it. Yellow man did not seem to mind the touches; he didn’t even look at Loki again until they were in a place that seemed a lot like the one Loki used to be in forever. However, this place, darker and without any soft in sight, was full of wet. There was a large square of it in the floor and swirls of hot wet churning slowly above it.

“Eee!” Loki called excitedly to the wet, squirming in the man’s arms as he reached out towards the wet he was so happy to see. The yellow man knelt next to the square and eased Loki into the wet. It was hot, but…not the bad hot. Wet was all over and Loki had never felt so good in his life. A day without the men coming and hurting him was nice, cold wet being thrown on him was good, and he did enjoy the square of soft; but nothing was as good as this.

He made joyful purring noises and happy little whines that made the yellow man’s mouth go up. But, when Loki tried to go completely into the wet, the man grabbed his arm and pulled him back up. Yellow man touched his face gently and made soothing sounds before Loki could start to cry, and soon Loki even forgot why he’d been upset when the man picked up a small piece of soft from near the square, put it in the wet, then started to rub it carefully all over Loki.

Places that always hurt started to feel good as the soft thing was carried over them and bits of dry red were taken off his body to float in the wet around him. Yellow man was making a lot of noises, none of them happy sounds. Loki did not know if the noises were important. He did want to understand them. He also felt that Yellow man wasn’t quite the right thing to call the other.

These thoughts were too big, though. He was in a new place with a new man, and this man was making him happier than he’d ever been. This is all he decided to think about.

The small bit of soft had been all over him, only hurting when pressed to his middle and the place where the men had gone inside of him. Yellow man had stopped touching that lower place as soon as Loki whimpered and cried a little, which Loki thought was good though the man seemed very unhappy afterwards. The man made more sounds while his mouth was pulled down and his hands were all balled up. Loki splashed him in the face with a giggle, then beat his hands in the wet and made lots of “Eeee” sounds. Wet was good and made him happy, so he shared wet with Yellow man to make him happy.

The man did stop making the low, unhappy noises, and just looked at Loki for a bit. Just as Loki began to think he had done bad, Yellow man’s mouth curved up and he splashed wet at Loki’s face.

He wanted to put some wet in his mouth so it could go inside him, but the yellow man would not let him. More splashing made him forget to be upset about it. 

Loki wanted to stay in the wet forever, but the man picked him up again. Loki did not squirm this time; he was too happy now to care. Then Yellow man put clothes on him. They were soft and kept Loki from feeling cold, so he decided he liked them.

He was carried back to the giant square of soft and put down. The man gave him more wet, and this time it was for his mouth. It ran away from his mouth at first, but once he figured out how to work his now-free mouth he was able to tilt his head back and take in lots and lots of wet. The man gave him something wet and orange and mushy, but Loki didn’t know what to do with it. The yellow man pushed it gently into his mouth, so Loki let it sit there. This was wrong, though. The man looked unhappy again. He opened Loki’s mouth and pulled the orange mush out before squishing it, and lots of other wet colorful things, until they were almost all runny like wet. Loki was able to figure out how to get those inside of him after that. They worked just like wet, though they felt bigger and yummy on his tongue and down his throat.

The man walked around once all of the colorful things were squished up and inside Loki, making light appear in some places and making it go away in others. Tall cloths were pulled over the hole in the wall that let in light, but then little sticks around the room started to shine.

Loki was just about to play with his toes when he noticed that his middle was bigger. He cried and wrapped his arms around it tight, trying to push his middle back to being small again. He slapped at his middle, throwing his head from side to side as he panicked. He did not want the man to make him hurt and make red come out of him. He had to make his middle small again.

The yellow man was suddenly on the square of soft with him, holding him down and pinning his hands to the soft so Loki couldn’t hit his middle anymore. The man made loud noises, shaking his yellow head and crying too as Loki fought him.

Loki did not like that he couldn’t move his hands again. He did not like that his middle was big. It had been small while he was in the wet, but now it was big and he would hurt for it. He cried and made a lot of loud noises back at the man on top of him. But the man was so big and Loki was small. He had to give up. He got so sleepy so fast after kicking and squirming under the other.

The man let his hands go as soon as he stopped moving. He moved down Loki’s body and lifted up the clothing that covered his middle. He made soft sounds and rubbed his middle gently just as Loki was about to cry and fight again. The good touches made him keep still. Yellow man pressed his mouth to his middle and it felt odd but nice. The man seemed to like his middle. He was not hurting it at all. In fact, the man seemed to like a lot of Loki. His mouth moved up in light touches all over his body, even on top of the clothing. His mouth pressed to Loki’s and it was so warm and good that Loki pressed mouth back against the man’s.

A big hand petted his hair while the other kept rubbing gentle circles on his middle. The man’s mouth touched his nose and sides of his face then his forehead before pulling away.

Yellow man dragged him carefully up the square to piles of soft that fit just right under Loki’s head. Soft was pulled over him and hot never felt so good. He couldn’t even care about his middle anymore. The man was not going to hurt him for it, he understood now that he wouldn’t. Loki’s world went dark before he knew it, and he didn’t mind. Yellow man was with him, and so everything was good.


	6. Justice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor punishes the men who destroyed his beloved brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took so long to write this! I'm still struggling with where I want this story end up, so until I figure it out I'll continue to post pieces as often as I can. Hopefully, if I constantly work on it, a satisfactory ending to direct the plot towards will eventually jump out at me.

Thor kept a close eye on Loki until he was certain he would not wake and attempt to harm himself again. He’d been so startled, so confused when the cooing creature had begun to strike his own stomach. It wasn’t until Loki had ceased his struggling beneath him that he realized the reason. The comprehension had crept into him and left him stunned and breathless for what felt like an eternity. In the frenzy of flailing limbs and Thor’s determination to protect and sooth his brother, he’d probably only paused for a moment, but the epiphany still rang through him, ached inside of him.

That was why he had pressed kisses to his brother’s belly, swollen with food, not with child as Loki believed in his wild panic.

The soft kisses and caresses did well to calm his brother. Thor was not foolish enough to hope that perhaps it was because Loki remembered the ones he used to cover his slender body with. When the lips against his own pressed back, he almost forgot himself in the rush of wanting it to be a sign of his beloved Loki coming back to him.

But Loki was gone. Locked away somewhere in the wide-eyed and unknowing body that lay upon his bed now.

A wave of icy rage flushed through him at the thought, as he watched Loki sleep stretched out over as much of the bed as his little body could manage. He was so very pale; many veins visible through translucent skin, especially now that they were hydrated. His cheeks and eyes were sunken, as concave as his stomach had been when Thor carried him from the prison. Loki’s collar bones jutted out so far that it looked as though he could be lifted by them. His lips were ruined with the pieces of once-brown thread, now permanently stained crimson, which had been embedded so thoroughly into them. 

Although he was cleaned totally of dried blood, swatches of his flesh were still littered with angry, swollen bruises. They covered him from the thighs up, growing darker and fresher around his hips where he’d been grabbed for leverage as he was thrust in to, his stomach where pregnancies were beaten from him, and his neck where men had laid possessive bites all along any bit of skin they could reach.

The guards had raped their prisoner and slaughtered the products of their vile act. How many times had Loki been impregnated by them? How many times had it been beaten out of him, as the terrified creature had just attempted to do when he saw his stomach bulging?

Where had Thor been while this was happening to the person he loved most?

As he’d bathed Loki, he tried to explain way his own guilt.

“As soon as we returned and you were taken away, Father had many quests for me. He sent me to far-away realms and worlds. I slayed many creatures, found many treasures. Each time I came home, there was a feast. Each time I would sit through them and think of you. But the moment the gaiety had ebbed and I attempted to approach Father about your imprisonment he would just announce the next quest he had for me. It seemed each adventure took me farther from Asgard than the last.

“Only a few times was I actually able to get a word in about you. The All-Father would swear to consider your punishment while I was away, but when I returned it was always to find that nothing had been done.

“I am so sorry I took so long, Loki. I am sure Father never knew what was happening to you down there. He would never have allowed it to go on.”

The guilt still gnawed inside of him as he stood beside his bed and watched his precious brother fall into deeper slumber. So much was his fault. He should have ignored Odin and gone to see Loki sooner. He should have known something was wrong.

The guards should have never had the chance to touch a prince of Asgard. They should have been put down before defiling the beautiful body Loki once possessed. To have raped him and beaten him and starved him and killed his mind…

Mjölnir was seated in his palm before he could even consciously call for her. Thunder bellowed and clouds churned beyond the closed curtains of his chambers. Loki did not even stir, and likely would not for a long while. With little more thought than this, Thor charged from his room and back down to the dungeons.

Loki had been his only concern before. All else had become irrelevant the moment he set eyes on the being dangling from chains in a dark cell.

But now Loki was safe. Thor would help him recover in every way he could. He would keep his brother’s condition a secret from Asgard, for nothing would be more devastating and humiliating to his sharp-witted trickster than for the world to know that what he prided himself on most had been stripped from him for any length of time. Loki would get better, and no one would know the frightened creature he’d been.

No one would ever know. No one but he would be alive to tell.

He was there in the dungeons again, with the guards who were once more baffled by his presence among them. Mjölnir sang as she soared through the air. Skulls fractured upon impact then shattered as the force of the blow spread out in an instant, leaving corpses to ooze from their crushed faces on the stone floor. They screamed, but a dungeon was meant to contain cries of agony and begs for mercy. They were made silent much more swiftly than they deserved. The walls dripped, heads lay half-twisted off of broken bodies.

They’d looked uglier when alive.

Misted with red, Thor left the silence of death.


	7. Stillness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki learns to trust the yellow man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! I am so sorry this took so long! Finals happened and took over my life, then when I came back to this story I just felt stuck. It's moving a bit easier now, so I'm hoping to have a few chapters out soon.

Loki woke with yellow man sleeping next to him in the big soft square. The man did not have any clothing on his upper half; the dark cloth he had been wearing was next to the square in a pile, but it was covered in red.

This made Loki very upset. Red meant hurt and bad, and he didn’t want yellow man to be hurt. He climbed on top of the sleeping man, bony legs on either side of the other’s body, and began to search for signs of red and hurt on him. There was only a little brightness from the hole in the wall, so Loki used his hands to feel for hurts.

Yellow man’s eyes were very wide when he woke up. He made a lot of loud noise at first, but when he saw that it made Loki nervous he stopped and pulled Loki down to lay on top of him instead. He pet Loki’s head and made softer sounds. It was easy to tell now that yellow man had no hurts.

The man’s arms wrapped around him, which made Loki tremble and whimper until the yellow man’s hands started rubbing up and down his back. There were places that still hurt there, but the good feeling from the other’s hands was more than the pain, so Loki stopped moving and let them continue.

They stayed like that for a long time. Now that Loki could move and makes sounds, he didn’t really want to stay still very long. Moving up and down when the air went in and out of the yellow man was fun for a little while at least. He had closed his eyes again, and Loki began to rise and fall slower. They stayed like that a little while longer.

Although…I little while really wasn’t that little. The brightness from the hole in the wall grew stronger. Loki had closed his eyes and let the world fall dark again, then opened them to watch the man under him, then closed them again. Until, one time when he woke the yellow man was finally awake again too.

The yellow man was moving his fingers through Loki’s hair, and his mouth was pulled up. Loki did not know why he was happy, but it was still good to see. The man’s big hand gently moved his head forward so the other could put his mouth to Loki’s forehead.

After the man got out of the square of soft he made a lot more light come in the room. He put on new clothes that had no red on them and he made noises to someone outside the room Loki couldn’t see. More wet and colored stuff to be mushed up were brought to the yellow man’s door.

Loki took all the wet and finished all the colored good, yellow man lightly touching his middle and making soft sounds to him every time he took in more of each. Loki understood why when, a little while later, his middle was big again. The wet and colored other was making it big, and it was not bad.

The man brought over something that shined and, even though Loki had never seen something like it before, made Loki frightened. Something about the shiny, pointy thing was bad. Yellow man held him until Loki stopped whimpering and pulling himself around on the square to get away.

Loki calmed down and let yellow man bring the object close, until the man grabbed his hair. That made Loki cry and squirm all over again. Even though his hair had not been grabbed hard, he knew that pain from the men being inside of him usually happened whenever it was touched.

Yellow man got on the square, pulled Loki into his lap, and moved slowly back and forth until Loki stopped crying. This man still hadn’t hurt him. He was always soft and good when Loki was scared. So, Loki let him bring the sharp thing over once again and was very still this time. The yellow man took a chunk of his yellow hair and showed Loki as he used the sharp thing to cut it away. He then touched Loki’s hair again, and Loki understood.

The men in the place Loki had been forever might have done this before; cut away chunks of his black hair. But, Loki couldn’t really remember it. Maybe it was a long time ago. Loki was good and held up long pieces of his wavy hair for the yellow man to cut, which made the man’s mouth turn up and good sounds to come from him.

Not once did the yellow man hurt him.


	8. New Tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki begins to learn.

Yellow man was not yellow man. He was “Or”. Loki said it all the time now. Even when he didn’t need Or, or even when Or wasn’t in the room, he liked to say it. It had taken a long time to get the sound right, but now he was very good at it.

Wet was “wa”, because when he made that noise Or would bring it to him. Or had made a sound sort of like “wa” whenever giving Loki wet, so Loki knew he had it about right.

“Ood” had taken a little longer to get, and sometimes, like if Loki was sleepy, he wouldn’t even bother saying more than the “oo” sound. Or was usually nice and gave him the colorful “ood” anyway, but not always. Sometimes Or would make him keep saying it until it sounded more right.

Or wasn’t really “Or”, but Loki couldn’t figure out how to make the sound that came before “or” whenever the man pointed to himself.

It was like how Loki couldn’t make the sound that came after “Low” when Or pointed to him. Or didn’t seem to mind the way he was saying it for now, though. He was very happy whenever Loki made any of these sounds. Loki liked to sing his own name, and Or seemed to like it too.

Or had also taught him how to be on his feet without falling. Loki still hit the ground sometimes, but now it was usually only when he was going too fast and his feet stopped being where he wanted them to. That was always very scary, so he never tried going fast when Or wasn’t in the room with him. He felt better trying it with Or around because Or always picked him up and held him until Loki stopped crying when the scary happened and he fell.

Loki had gotten used to the man holding him, and often reached out his arms for Or even when he wasn’t scared or hurt.

Or still liked putting his mouth all over Loki. He put his mouth to Loki’s feet sometimes, and his middle. More often he put his mouth somewhere on Loki’s face, which Loki liked very much. It was a good hot having Or’s mouth there. When their mouths touched he would always giggle, which made Or’s face get pink. Loki liked Or’s face pink.

Or never put his mouth anywhere near where the men had gone inside him, though. All the skin from his thighs to the little dent in the center of his middle was untouched by Or’s mouth. Loki wasn’t scared of Or hurting him anymore, but he was very glad Or didn’t try putting his mouth there. It was too scary. There was too much bad there.

Loki touched the skin in that area sometimes, and it never hurt. It was only okay when he touched there, he decided.

Or let him play with anything in the room, as long as it was not hot or pointy. Loki was not allowed to put anything but ‘wa’, ‘ood’, or his fingers in his mouth, though. Loki had learned that very quickly after Or made his voice very loud and grabbed Loki very hard one time when Loki had almost put a small pointy thing in his mouth.

Or left him alone sometimes, and Loki played only with soft things on the large square when he was away. Or had been very mad when Loki had played with a bottle with black wet-like stuff in it while he was away and Loki had spilled the black stuff all over himself, the brown thing the bottle had been sitting on, and the floor. Loki had liked pulling his fingers through the black stuff very, very much and drawing shapes all over the floor and walls. Or did not like it, though. Or was so upset he did not hold Loki even when he cried after Or made his voice loud at him. Loki would never touch that black bottle again.

Or was happy more than he was mad, and he was soothing and held Loki gently more than anything else. Even now that Loki could move around the room by himself, Or liked to have a hand on him at all times. Loki liked sitting in Or’s lap with Or’s arms around him most of all. Loki was so happy when they could sit like that. So happy that, even though he found it very frustrating, he’d let Or try to teach him new sounds to go with objects around the room. This usually ended with Loki hiding his face in Or’s chest and whining very noisily until Or stopped trying to teach him things. Loki learned fast, but he hated getting things wrong. It made him so mad when he couldn’t mimic Or’s sounds for objects right.

Or was alright with this little fit Loki threw, though. He would sometimes let out a lot of air and shake his head, or sometimes just turn his mouth up and let out lots of little breathes that were like Loki’s giggles, just deeper and came from somewhere inside Or’s chest.

Every night they slept curled up in the big square of soft together. Or never put his arms around Loki first, though. He always lay very still and waited for Loki to crawl over to him before holding him close. Loki did not know why this was, but he didn’t really mind.

He was so happy when they were cuddled up together that he would have been willing to walk any distance all by himself if he had to in order for Or to hold him like that.


	9. No Time for Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki was released on one condition, and now it's time for him to fulfill it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished my summer university courses! I had no idea they were going to completely possess my life for the past month. It was complete hell, but I'm back now (thank goodness!). So sorry for the wait! Again, I had no idea classes were going to mess everything up so horribly.

Loki was doing so very well now. He was beginning to put two, sometimes three words together. While they were usually the same phrases like ‘wan wa, Or’, or “no, Or”, Thor was proud of him nonetheless. He was picking up on new words more quickly, and with fewer tantrums. The thunderer had even caught himself happily thinking of how clever Loki was getting, then of course he remember the way his brother used to be and his joy dropped instantly.

It had been a rough day when Loki had figured out how to put together the words “don go”. Thankfully, Thor never left his room for very long, but it was so much harder to leave now that Loki could beg him to stay.

Thor left only to attend basic duties and for a brief bout at sparring with Sif and the Warriors Three. They would come searching for him if he did not make these appearances, and that raised the risked of them finding Loki. The prince avoided his father completely, which was a surprisingly simple endeavor. Odin had not summoned him since his plea to release Loki from the prisons.

It was all very curious, really. Odin surely would have heard of what Thor did to the guards, and as he had yet to check on Loki, he should have demanded an explanation. Yet, he had not. The All Father was a silent presence to Thor, and the thunderer did not know if this were a blessing or a sign that he should be more worried than ever.

Frigga asked after Loki when Thor made the mistake of lingering too long in place she frequented. While his friends’ questions were easy enough to abate with a lie here and there, his mother was far more persistent. He could only manage to put her off, tell her that Loki was still recovering and did not wish to see anyone until he looked more presentable. She was clearly skeptical, yet she would stop with her questioning for a while.

Everyone else seemed to have quite forgotten about their fallen prince. Even the servants that came to his chambers only asked what Thor wanted, never what the other room’s occupant might require.

It was for this reason that Thor was startled when he opened his door to hear a servant recite a summons for Master Loki. The once-trickster was being called by the All Father to the throne room. It was time for him to plead forgiveness before the king and court.

Thor dismissed the man and it wasn’t until his door was firmly shut and locked that he released a long breath he didn’t know had been caught in his throat since the order. His frantic eyes searched the room, though he already knew that Loki was still sitting patiently at the foot of his bed, one arm through his sleeve and his pants still untied as he waited for Thor to finish dressing him.

Loki could still barely speak. There was no way he could apologize, for a crime he didn’t remember, even if Thor tried to teach him the words.  
Odin had to be brought here. The far-off dream of waiting until Loki was recovered was more gruesomely impossible now. If the creature cooing at the end of his bed ever learned to function on its own, it would still not be his Loki. Yes. Odin would be brought here, then. He’d see that Loki was gone and dismiss that final condition of his release from prison.

Thor finished dressing the raven-haired prince, who wanted to be held more than dressed and squirmed throughout the whole process. The golden prince righted himself next, adorning his armor and bringing his hammer to hang at his side. He looked presentable; though he hoped that perhaps he could avoid being viewed by the court and simply call Odin from the throne room for a word.

Just as he was unlocking the door to leave, he felt the familiar tug of Loki’s nimble fingers on his sleeve.

“Don go,” Loki begged softly, nuzzling his face into Thor’s side as best he could with the thick armor in the way. “Don, Or.”

“I shall be back shortly, Brother,” the thunderer murmured, sliding his fingers through long dark locks to bring the other’s forehead near enough to place a chaste kiss upon it. “Be good.”

He slipped out of the room before those green eyes could get teary and convince him to stay a little longer. He heard Loki whining and scratching at the other side of the door, whimpering his name and asking him to stay.

He could still hear the echo of those whines and pleas in his mind as he took off down the hall. The palace was empty, which meant everyone had gathered in the throne room to hear the silver tongued prince beg forgiveness.

The guard Thor ordered to go in and request a moment from Odin looked thoroughly disappointed to see that the golden prince had come alone. Still, he entered the room to pass on Thor’s words. The crowd within remained loud and excited, none caring about the passing guard and only watching the door for any signs of the traitor they’d come to see humiliated.

Thor waited a long time outside the door, listening to the laughter and talk of the court as Odin was probably considering if he should grant Thor a private audience. Perhaps he was consulting Frigga about it. Oh, how Thor hoped he wasn’t. What if she came out here with him? She’d demand to see Loki too, and such a shock would only break her heart.

He was awash with relief when Odin walked through the door alone, though the feeling was short lived. The All Father looked upon him with one icy eye and a steely expression.

“Well? Where is Loki?” the All Father demanded, his voice low, for everyone in the hall had gone silent since he left and were surely listening just in case there was trouble beyond the doors.

“He cannot do as you ask, Father,” Thor answered slowly. He saw the fury rise in Odin and quickly continued before it could be given an outlet. “He is not himself anymore. Loki was changed in the prisons, and is,” he paused, gaze lowering and eyebrows furrowed as he searched for the words, “is unable to do as you ask because the man you sentenced to the dungeons is long gone.”

Odin was unimpressed, and glared harshly as Thor’s name passed through his lips in a growl. “What lies has he told you now? What act is Loki putting on that you would defend him like this?”

“Please, Father, it is neither act nor con. You must see him, I think, to truly understand what has happened. Please allow me to take you to him,” the thunderer begged, the weight of his armor seeming to be crushing his chest as he waited for Odin to answer. 

“Very well,” came the words in a sigh, still tight with disbelief but at least Odin had faith enough in Thor still to grant him this.

The walk back to his chambers was silent, each god keeping their eyes straight ahead and their thoughts to themselves. Thor paused at his door, glancing over at his father and murmuring, “he is quite changed, Father. I cannot fully prepare you for how much”.

They entered the room to find Loki standing in front of the open window. The trickster had his back to them, a book balancing on one arm as he looked down at its pages.

For an instant, it seemed like the real Loki stood before them.

The illusion was broken when the horrible scream of paper being torn from its bindings filled the quiet room. The page was carelessly dropped to the floor where dozens of others lay crumpled at Loki’s feet. Thor had yet to teach Loki that books were not toys.

“Loki,” Thor called softly, not wanting to startle his brother as Odin looked on in confusion and suspicion.

Loki turned, beaming happily when he heard Thor’s voice and so eager to greet him. But, when his green eyes fell upon Odin, everything changed. The smile slipped away, dark brows drew together. The book fell to the floor and Loki’s body curled in where he stood, his shoulders hunching and his head ducking as if he were flinching away from something. He let out the most wretched keen, his eyes dropping to his feet as the close-mouthed scream drew on. The sound of terror would haunt Thor for years after this.


	10. Price of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Odin learns of Loki's condition. Is there hope of fixing him after all?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this?! A new chapter???? It is!!  
> I am so sorry for how long it took to get one update out! Thank you to everyone who continued to support this fic!

Thor rushed to Loki’s side, drawing him in close and shushing him gently. The trembling frame quieted, though Loki buried his face in Thor’s chest in an attempt to hide there.

“He is not accustomed to strangers,” Thor tried to explain, though this was a mere guess. The male in his arms had become so gentle and unsuspecting under his care; it came as a start to think that Loki still possessed so much fear.

“What has happened to him?” Odin asked softly; face grim as his one eye searched the huddled figure for signs of deceit.

“Something in the dungeons, Father,” Thor answered slowly, keeping his voice soothing as he continued to pet and comfort the brother in his arms. “The guards…tortured him; they did unspeakable things. His mind could not bear it. Now he is this,” Thor glanced down at Loki and sighed before speaking the condemning word, “creature.”  
Odin did not speak, so Thor continued uneasily, “I thought I could fix him. Bring him back from wherever his mind has gone. But…he is an animal, or sometimes more like a child…he is not Loki.”

His father’s face had softened as he spoke, and now he attempted t approach his sons. Loki was not having it, though, and ducked behind Thor to hide. "Not Loki... This should have never happened to him." Odin gave a soft sign and shook his head grimly. “We must choose a course of action. You cannot continue to care for him like this, and risk neglecting your duties.”

Thor felt uneasy at the suggestion, reaching back behind him to pull Loki to his chest again. “What can be done?” Loki would not be taken back to a cell. Thor would die before he let the damaged brother in his arms return to such a place.

“There are options, though I we must consider them carefully,” Odin assured slowly, thinking deeply as he spoke. “We could leave him like this, under the care of a few nurses who would provide for him well and keep him safely hidden away.” Thor did not seem to like this idea. He held Loki tighter in his arms, possessively. “Or, I could attempt to reverse the damage done to his mind.”

“Reverse it?” Thor nearly shouted, though he caught himself before he could scare the already very skittish being in his arms even more. He leveled his voice the best he could as he continued. “Is there truly means of doing so?”

“It might be possible. I must consult with the sorcerers here, but I believe we could lock away the time he spent in the prisons. Perhaps, with the trauma gone, it will be as though the event never happened and his mind will be just as it was the day you returned him from Midgard.” For some reason, absolutely unfathomable to Thor, Odin did not seem overly fond of this plan.

“Clearly you must try! If there is a chance, you must attempt to fix him.”

The Allfather shook his head again, though not fully in disagreement. “Think this through carefully, Thor. Think on what returning his mind to that time would mean. Even if I could, it may not be just. It will be, to him, as though he was never punished, and the atrocities committed on Midgard deserve harsh punishment.”

Thor was stupefied by his father’s implication. Was he actually saying that Loki would need to be punished again? Tortured anew? “But he has been punished! His mind has been executed as punishment!”

Thor could not keep his voice low now. His anger boiled in him, his grip tightening on Loki until his brother whimpered and struggled out of his hold. Loki’s eyes were wide and full of terror. He looked like he wanted to flee, but at the same time he had come to know Thor as his source of protection and care. Loki dropped to the floor, where he sat curled up with his knees drawn to his chest so he might hide his face, and one arm extended to loosely hold the fabric of Thor’s leggings. Thor wanted to comfort the creature at his feet, but at this moment it was more important to stand firm against his father.

“It would be as though that had never happened. He would have to be re-sentenced,” Odin pressed.

“You cannot put him through more torture!”

“Of course not, Thor, but something must be done. If the spell succeeds, and it very well may not, it will be to him as though you had just returned to Asgard with the tesseract. He will be wicked and bitter once more. He will think his lips have been freshly sewn shut and he will be plotting revenge. He will be in need of punishment.”

Thor lowered his gaze, his mind working as quickly as possible. There must be a way around this, a way to spare Loki. Odin could not possibly mean to break Loki’s mind all over again. “A year has already passed…” Thor murmured as the realization came to him. Loki would know he’d served some kind punishment then. “We cannot hide this from him.”

The Allfather fixed his one eye on the huddled mass on the floor and remained silent for a painfully long moment. The pause was enough even for Loki to dare to peek up at the two figures towering over him. “A sentencing to stasis, in isolation. It is a judgment I have passed before, so that I might have appropriate time to decide on a punishment.” Odin looked back up at Thor, and the thunderer knew this much had been decided and would not be up for further debate. The question of a second punishment would not be so simply answered; Thor would not let it. “This is idle speculation, Thor. We do not even know if Loki can be repaired.”

That’s right. Thor was getting so caught up in the mere prospect of having his Loki back that he had forgotten it may not even be possible. “We must try,” he breathed, finally lowering himself to Loki’s level to stroke his head and back soothingly.

“We shall, my son,” Odin vowed. “We shall try.”


	11. The Cure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is given the cure to his trauma.

Loki followed Or out of the room, the second room he’d ever known and a safe place he was reluctant to forfeit. But Or was taking him somewhere and it was clearly an important somewhere. Or was making lots of noises, he had been all day, and most of them sounded fast and happy.

“Where go, Or?” Loki uttered as soon as they were out the door and his clumsy feet met cold, shining ground. Or answered, but not with any words Loki knew. They sounded like good words, though. Or spoke in such a happy, warm way. If it were important to know the answer, Or would make sure he understood, right? So, Loki was alright with not really knowing.

The holes in the wall let in no bright, little sticks of hot showed them the way. Loki was getting nervous being so far from Or’s room, even if Or was here with him. He fiddled with his fingers, pulled at his clothes and hair, and babbled sounds meant to express his unease. Or shushed him and pet his head, but did not stop walking. Loki wanted to go back to the room now. He tried to turn around, but Or took hold of his arm and just kept leading him forward, not seeming to hear Loki’s whines anymore.

They went a bit further, or maybe it was very far. Loki was quite good at walking now; he hardly noticed how many steps he took or had to remind himself to keep his toes pointing forward. A bit further, and they were in a place much darker. Further still, and there were new sounds; other people were making noises to each other but it was hard to hear.

Or stopped finally when they were before a pair of heavy doors in a place that was very cold and dark. The noises inside were low and rumbling and frightening. Loki whimpered. 

Or cooed at him and took Loki’s face in his big warm hands. His mouth went to Loki’s forehead and stayed there longer than usual. The large hands were unsteady, shaking like the air that came out of Or. He was scared, too? But Or’s mouth was up, so maybe not scared. Maybe Or was excited? But about what?

The doors were pushed open and Loki was lead inside. Right away Loki did not like this room.

The doors slammed closed behind him and Or, the sound making Loki’s body go rigid. There was no way to leave, the only way to move was forward, and forward was terrifying.

There were many people; all dressed the same, all holding sticks of hot bright. Only one man stood out, the man with white hair and one eye. Seeing him made Loki whine and squirm to get away. The one-eyed man was a bad man. Loki could not remember why, the reason was lost in the forever of the bad place with the men who hurt him.

Despite Loki’s wriggling and crying, he was taking to the middle of the room, in the center of all the same dressed men and the man with one eye.

Or did something terrible then. Loki’s hands were brought together and trapped in cold hard, just like how his hands had been in the forever place. Or was trying to make soothing sounds, but Loki would not be calmed. His whimpering and desperate sounds only got worse when Or pulled on his bound hands, made him sit on the cold floor, and tied him to the ground with a long cold line. Loki was trapped and couldn’t move, couldn’t get his hands out of the cold circles or pull the long cold from the ground.

Loki cried and reached his imprisoned hands towards Or when he walked away, but Or wasn’t looking at him. Or was speaking to the man with one eye and Or did not look happy anymore. The man with one eye pointed and Or moved further away, going to stand against the wall so far away from Loki that it was hard to see him past the men in red robes all around. The bad man joined the circle around Loki and made loud noises, talking to everyone, speaking to them as if Loki wasn’t huddled and crying in front of them.

The sticks of bright were placed on the ground so the men in the same clothing could each hold something small and blue and even brighter. They began making deep, horrifying sounds. The sounds surrounded him and made Loki shake. The air wouldn’t go into him right. Even through his clothes he was so cold.

The noises the men were making began to sound the same, almost like the rumbling from each of them was becoming one. It shook Loki hard, it made him scream and fight the cold line that kept him stuck to the ground. He said Or’s name over and over, but with one look from the white-haired man Or made no move to come help him.

The sound was so loud. It hurt him. It got under Loki’s skin and it filled him up and ached in his head. His head hurt so bad. He wanted to cover his ears, but his hands were stuck. He couldn’t see the brights on the floor or in their hands anymore. Those brights weren’t there anymore. The blue light was coming toward him. It was on the ground and winding and coming to get him. He writhed and scrambled on the floor but he could go nowhere. The brights reached him and he felt his body get hotter than it had ever been.

He flopped over on the ground and knew his body was twitching and he was screaming, but he couldn’t see. He couldn’t feel anything or hear his own cries. He heard the men around him. He always heard the men. It was so loud. It hurt so much. Air wouldn’t go inside anymore.

Everything was going away. He felt it leaving him. Or’s room, his gentle hands and soft voice. The big square of soft and the warm wet. It was all going away. It was going black. 

Loki couldn’t see, he couldn’t think. It was all being taken from him.

The hurt in his head was the last the leave him. With it went the rest of the world. It was all dark and quiet.

Loki was still.


	12. It's Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A glimpse at the spell's results

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the supportive comments really have helped me get back to writing this. Thank you to all of my readers.

Thor hated chaining Loki, hated the desperate cries for help that he could not answer. His brother could not be comforted, and he honestly couldn’t blame him. This room, the dim lights, the men in dark robes, they all sent a chill under his skin as well. He stepped outside of the circle of sorcerers to speak to Odin.

“Is there hope this will be successful?” Thor asked solemnly, his chest already aching from hearing Loki in such a panic. If there was no real hope, he’d take Loki away now and spare him the further trauma this was bound to bring.

“I have been assured that the spell should work,” Odin replied, voice low and uneasy. “We do not know how long the seal will hold, however. It may remain in place to the end of time, or it may break within hours of being set.” He paused to sigh. “We also do not know what the eventual return of his magics will do to the spell. He may very well break the seal himself, intentionally or not.” The warning made Thor cast a wary gaze into the circle. The sight of the Loki crying and reaching for him hurt like a physical blow. But it wasn’t really Loki. He had to remember that. The being in the center of the circle was something else, frail and dumb, and not Loki. This was the only chance of getting his brother back. He nodded to Odin and moved to the far wall on his father’s instruction.

Odin addressed the sorcerers one final time before joining them in the circle. The candles were set on the ground and the spell commenced. That was when the agony started. The spell made the room feel heavy, and at the same time empty of air. It was so cold all of a sudden. The uneasy chill was now real and biting at Thor’s skin from the inside and out.

Loki was so scared, looking to Thor to save him from what he didn’t understand. The thunderer wanted so badly to comfort him, to hold him close and return the poor shell of his brother back to the safety of his room. Odin must have caught onto the urge to interfere and sent Thor a warning glance. The prince folded his arms over his chest and pushed back against the wall, trying to ground himself to the spot as best as he could. He knew. Odin didn’t need to remind him to stay put. He knew he had to wait it out, bear Loki’s pain and fear.

Thor watched the lights dim, strange blue orbs forming in the hands of every man chanting the beginnings of a spell. The cerulean lights pulsed with the flow of words that were spoken in perfect synchronicity. Then they began seeping into the floor where the blue glow slithered toward the terrified creature in the middle of the room. It resembled his lightning, but moved in a much slower, almost predatory manner. The lights slithered to the quivering body, oozing across the stones to reach their prey.

Thor had to avert his eyes when the lights reached Loki. He didn’t know why, or what to expect, but was soon glad of his instinctive decision. Despite his sight being shielded from the effects of the spell, it did nothing to spare him from the horrible screams. They were of inconceivable fear and absolute pain. He could hear the sound of metal on stone; Loki had fallen over, was writhing on the floor in his pain. Thor grit his teeth. He could see spots of light blooming behind his lids as he squeezed his eyes as hard as he could.  
Thor pressed bruises into his arms as he forced himself to remain still. His breath was stuck in his throat, which was good, for otherwise he might have begun screaming too.

Loki fell silent before the chanting did, and it was only once the final note ceased to echo in the small room that Thor dared to look back to the focus of the spell. The sorcerers broke their circle and filed out the room as if they were truly unfazed by what they had just done. Thor would have been disgusted, but he could only think of one thing. He was at Loki’s side before the first of the enchanters was out the door.

He cradled Loki in his arms gently, but the slender body was limp and showed no signs of waking. He brushed sweat-drenched dark hair from the pale forehead, called to the motionless being softly. This thumb pushed away some of the tears, but there were so many.

The room was empty now, save for Thor and Odin. The Allfather remained a few feet away, observing with near-tangible uncertainty. Thor might have been bothered by this too, this cold distance, but again, his focus was on his brother.

Thor caressed his hand over Loki’s cheek and called to his brother again. This time he got a response.

Loki stirred slowly, whimpering as he shifted in Thor’s arms. His muscles must have been in a terrible spasm during the incantation.

His emerald eyes blinked open, unfocused in their gaze.

A slender, trembling hand lifted to take hold of Thor’s shirt, gripping it weakly. Loki’s eyes shifted to look up at him.

“O-Or?” Loki asked, his voice cracked, broken from the screaming.

Thor closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, letting the situation sink in. It hadn’t worked. It was alright. He would continue to watch over the tortured creature. They would look for another cure elsewhere. It was alright.

“Thor? What the Hel are you doing?”

Loki’s voice was still weak, but his words were as pointed as ever.


	13. Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki cannot understand what's happening, or why nothing feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly scared to post this chapter. I cannot believe any of my readers from two years ago are still here, or have any interest in this story anymore. That was one of the reasons it took me so horribly long to write anything. I allowed myself to get caught up in University work for so long that I felt like I couldn't return to this story anymore, as much as I wanted to. Thor 2 also made me feel even more uncertain, not sure if my little fic was essentially negated and superfluous. I've decided to continue as if Thor 2 has not occurred. I don't think there will be too many chapters before I write an ending, and I am so far removed from the head space I was in when I initially wrote this that I doubt it will be anything like the ending I had in mind before (which I cannot even remember now). 
> 
> I am deeply, sincerely sorry for not updating for so inexcusably long. I don't even dare to hope that anyone is still out there to read this, but I kept looking back at all of the encouraging comments from previous chapters and I felt like I just couldn't let the story end where it was.

Thor was staring down at him with such wide, shocked eyes. That look was enough to make Loki’s mind falter, caught up in wondering why his brother would ever have such an expression.

Loki took quick note of everything, though his thoughts seemed to come to him through a fog, within reach but hard to grasp. He was still shackled, but the gag had been removed from his mouth. There was something else wrong with his lips though. He pressed them together and felt a strange pressure, and the odd feeling of something like string. Oh, that’s right, his loving “father” had sewn his lips shut, though they appeared to be cut open now. What had happened between that punishment and this? This was surely another act of punishment, for otherwise Loki could not conceive of a reason for being so sore all over and tired to the bone.

Thor was blubbering above him, trying to ask questions, but he kept cutting himself off and turning his head away to thank someone on the other side of the room. 

Loki’s gaze followed slowly, warily. He could not say he was surprised to see Odin there, looking down on him with such distrust and judgement.

It was almost frustrating that Thor couldn’t get an intelligible word out before the Allfather spoke.

“How do you feel, my son?” Odin asked, in a voice that was uneasy, but also suspiciously soft.

Loki narrowed his eyes, more out of confusion than an actual glare. What in the Norns had happened to him?

“Like I’ve been struck by Thor’s lightning for weeks,” Loki answered. Gods, why did his throat feel so rough? And his mouth felt as slow as his mind whilst he tried to get the words out. “You haven’t been doing that, have you?” he asked his brother, only managing to lace some levity into his tone, as he partially wondered if that was perhaps exactly what had happened to him.

“You have been in stasis for the past year,” Odin answered once again before Thor could speak, his voice all smooth control, like he had rehearsed it. Loki often felt his words sounded like that. “We have woken you now so that you may hear your punishment.”

“Father!” Thor bellowed, so suddenly that Loki jumped a bit in his arms and had the strangest, most ridiculous urge to cry.

Even after a year, it seemed that Thor was still pleading on his behalf. Loki wanted to laugh, rub Thor’s face in his own foolishness. And yet…Loki found that he could not laugh. It felt…wrong?

Everything felt all wrong. Why was it that he felt so safe in Thor’s arms? Why did he want to hide his face in that broad chest, rather than push the giant dolt away as he would have at any other time?

“He must be punished, Thor,” Odin said, icy and commanding. Thor tried to insist further, but Odin boomed for him to be silent with an order so loud that it rang in Loki’s ears long after it was spoken; made Loki feel so small and frightened.

“Loki,” Odin began, waiting until the trickster looked up at him again before continuing. “For you crimes, I have decided to keep your magic sealed. You will also be imprisoned— ”

“You cannot, Father!” Thor was silenced with a look this time.

“Imprisoned in Thor’s chambers. You will not be permitted to leave without him as your escort.”  
There was a short pause, then the hulking idiot that held Loki so tightly started beaming. “Thank you, Father! I will watch over him!”

Loki was too confused to say much of anything. Why the Hel was Thor so damned happy? Didn’t he hate Loki right now? Had Loki not just killed thousands on his precious Midgard? Or had a year in stasis really been enough for Thor’s simple mind to forget all of that?

“That’s it?” Loki could not stop himself from asking, a smirk pulling at the edge of his lips. It was a reflex, a response to being so caught off-guard that he didn’t know how to react. “Asgard will think you have gone soft in your advanced age, Odin,” Loki warned, probing, trying to understand why Odin would be so lenient.

Odin’s eye twitched slightly, but that was his only reaction. He turned towards the door after that, only pausing to remind Thor of his duties. “If he causes any mischief, attempts to leave your chambers or escape, I will have no choice but to think of something else as punishment.”

At that, Thor gripped Loki so tightly that it actually hurt. The hold did not ease until Odin had left, shutting the heavy door behind him, and leaving the brothers alone.

Loki could have sworn that he caught an expression of guilt flit across the wrinkled and tired face of the Allfather. Loki didn’t understand. He didn’t understand any of it.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of metal unlocking. The chain that tethered his wrists to the floor was removed, then the shackles were opened and separated so that they remained like heavy cuff on either of his hands, though they restricted him no more. He raised one shackle to get a better look at it. From the markings, which appeared strangely scorched, he gathered that they would act as a means of binding his magic.

Loki gasped and flailed when he suddenly felt that he was being lifted off the floor. Thor carried him his massive arms like some kind of maiden, yet kept his grip firm enough that Loki’s struggles and squirms did nothing. Something pulsed in the liesmith’s head, almost painful but not quite, and he felt that this position was so familiar, like he had only just been held this way moments ago. The startling sensation of déjà vu was enough to cease his writhing, but not enough for him to succumb to the bizarre feeling of calm and protection that filled him when being held this way. He folded his arms over his chest and glared up at Thor nastily.

“Just what do you think you’re doing? I am quite capable of walking on my own,” Loki grumbled, and for some reason this just made the big oaf smile brightly and laugh.

“I shall put you down once we are in my rooms,” Thor replied, so giddy that Loki wondered how many blows to the head his brother had taken in the past year. Thor opened the door and began carrying the thoroughly baffled trickster down the hall.

“Are you so eager to feel me again, Brother?” Loki asked, lowering his voice into an almost purr, hoping to distract Thor from that stupid gaiety that he did not understand.

And then the lumbering fool dared to look confused by his question! Loki could almost swear he could see the match struggling to be lit before finally understanding illuminated Thor’s features.

“No! That isn’t…” Thor’s brows knit and his frowned deeply. He looked almost disturbed by the implication. Why did that expression make Loki’s chest ache? “I just missed you so much, Loki.”

The words were so sticky sweet, so sincere that Loki once again felt like something had happened, something that was being kept from him.


	14. Entirely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having Loki, the real Loki, back was absolutely incredible, wonderful, a true miracle. It was also incredibly frustrating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for continuing to read this story!! I cannot thank you enough for the incredible outpouring of encouragement I've received to continue writing this! Seriously, thank you!
> 
> I still don't have a posting schedule set up, so it might just have to be a post whenever I can for now (hopefully about every other week, plus or minus a couple of days). I'm graduating university in a couple of weeks, so there is going to be some odd spikes and lulls in when I'm able to work on this.
> 
> As usual, I have no beta, so please forgive the typos. I do my best to catch them.

Having Loki, the real Loki, back was absolutely incredible, wonderful, a true miracle. It was also incredibly frustrating. Thor had just barely set Loki down inside his rooms before his brother had started complaining. Where had all of his things gone? Was that really all of his clothes that Thor had kept? He wanted another bed; he would only sleep with Thor when he felt like it, not because he had to.

Thor took the trickster’s face between his large hands and kissed him hard to silence him. The kiss was brief, ending as soon as Thor wrapped his arms around Loki and hugged him close. Loki stood rigid, apparently too startled by the sudden action to move or speak. But, of course, this was Loki, and the liesmith was never speechless for long.

“Why such displays of sentiment, Brother? Surely you were not lacking in wenches to hold whilst I was away, yet here you are clinging to me like you’re starving for it,” Loki mocked, despite knowing full well that the kiss was not out of passion or lust. Thor hated how his brother always fended off affection in such ways, like he didn’t deserve to be touched or held if it was not merely out of carnal desire.

And yet, other than his words, Loki made no attempt to make Thor stop. He wasn’t cooing and nuzzling into his embrace as the shell of Loki had, but he was accepting the hug far more than he had in the past. Thor pulled back, finding himself confronted by his brother’s narrowed and suspicious eyes.

“You know I lack your talent for expression, Loki,” Thor murmured, running his fingers through the trickster’s hair as he had grown accustom to doing recently. “I know of no other means of showing you how pleased I am to have you at my side again.”

Loki permitted the soft touches, just barely tilting his head into them, before seeming to catch himself and turning away. “At your side? I am your prisoner. Not even the lowly second son in your shadow, but some kind of pet.”

Thor tried very hard not to smile, but he could not help but feel that Loki was being quite dramatic.

“You said yourself that this did not seem like much of a punishment,” Thor pointed out, earning an over-the-shoulder glare and a huff from his brother.

Loki walked further away, allowing his fingertips to alight on the desk, the curtains, the windowsill, as he considered the situation once more. “Why is that, do you think? Why only this, when Odin could do so much more? He would probably enjoy seeing me suffer under a harsh punishment.”

“No, Loki,” Thor breathed out, quick to follow after his brother and put a stop to such thoughts, for he dared not let his brother linger on such ideas. “You are his son still. He could never harm you.” Even as he said it, Thor’s stomach churned sickeningly. Lest he too find himself caught up in what had come to pass, he hastily shifted the subject.

“You must be hungry, I shall call for our dinners,” he announced, turning away before he could meet Loki’s sharp, questioning gaze once again.

\---

When food and drink was brought to his chambers, Loki griped about the sustenance provided to him, still merely water and fruits. Thor had forgotten to ask for proper food, so he allowed Loki to snatch the meat from his plate without a word of complaint.

“Just what are they trying to do? Nothing but fruit to eat, what manner of treatment is that?” Loki grumbled, not seeming to notice that he had begun to mash up the fruit on his plate with his fork.

Thor tried not to stare, but Loki caught his look and followed his gaze down to the plate of brightly colored mash. His dark brows knit and his string-tainted lips turned down in a frown.

“I imagine you are still quite sore and stiff from the stasis. Perhaps I should call for some broth to be brought up to you instead?” Thor offered, hoping it would be enough to keep Loki from questioning his subconscious actions too much.

“I…” Loki still frowned in confusion, but soon wiped it away after looking up at Thor. He cleared his throat and sat up a little straighter before scooping up a bit of the mash and lifting it to his lips. “As you can see, I am managing perfectly fine on my own.”

\---

Loki did not permit Thor to bathe with him, which shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was. Thor was left feeling equally alone when it came to his brother dressing himself as well, of course being completely capable of doing it on his own. In such a short amount of time, Thor had found himself growing accustom to doing everything for the creature that wasn’t Loki.

The first night, Loki slept almost the entire night on the couch, not slipping into bed with Thor until nearly dawn.

For the next couple of days, Thor did not leave his room, though he could tell Loki very much wished he would. It seemed no one would beg ‘don go’ through the doors any longer, nor cling to him whenever he merely traversed the length of the room. This was a good thing. Of course it was. Everything was as it ought to be now, and it was utterly incomprehensible, borderline repulsive, for Thor to miss his time with the creature that wasn’t Loki.

They spoke little, Loki not interested in knowing what Thor had been up to in the past year, and Thor not wanting to think of it anyway. Most of the words that filled the room where Loki’s, and few of them were meant to be responded to. His brother was quite talented at complaining, and even better at lobbing sharp-tongued remarks Thor’s way in the hopes of starting an argument. Thor did his best to ignore it all, to focus on how nice it was to merely hear Loki speak once again.

Such things were certainly easier to bear considering that Loki did seem to be generally in a good mood. At least, he allowed Thor to get away with things he never would have before, so Thor assumed it was due to high spirits. Loki would let Thor scoop him into his lap whilst he was reading, barely glancing up from the pages to quirk a brow at his brother. He also made no sounds of protest when Thor littered his face or neck with light kisses, though he didn’t look too pleased by it either.

In the nights that followed, Loki climbed into his bed earlier and earlier, until Thor wasn’t sure if his brother cared about waking him anymore. Still, Thor always pretended to sleep through the dipping in the bed, the added warmth beneath the sheets; tried not to show his relief and happiness when he felt Loki curling up against him.

Loki was as difficult and petulant as ever. But, at least he was himself again. These past few days had been proof enough; Loki was Loki entirely.


	15. Something Amiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor was acting quite strangely. There were the half-finished sentences, the leaps in conversation topics, and that look. That look of guilt, or pain, or something of the like. It would appear with seemingly no provocation and vanish in the next moment.

Thor was acting quite strangely.

He had always been far more tender and gentle than Loki liked, but it was just ridiculous now. It had been days since Loki’s return from stasis, and Thor had not made a move to take him even once.

There were other things off about him too, but it was this that made Loki most uneasy. Thor had always been more driven by desire and emotion than intellect. Loki couldn’t believe that the desire wasn’t there anymore, so there had to be some reason his brother wasn’t acting on it.

All the golden prince seemed interested in was cuddling. When he kissed Loki, it was terribly chaste. It was like Thor was trying to comfort him, or confirm that he was really there, or express a kind of caring that Loki knew full well he did not deserve. It was nothing like before, back before the mess on Jotunheim and all that followed.

And then there was the rest of it, everything else that had Loki feeling on-edge. He felt like there was a strange pressure in the air, the kind one feels when they know someone has entered their room while they slept. 

There were the half-finished sentences, the leaps in conversation topics, and that look. That look of guilt, or pain, or something of the like. It would appear with seemingly no provocation and vanish in the next moment.

There was something everyone was keeping from him, and Loki couldn’t even begin to guess what it was. Thor and Odin had those twin looks of guilt, the servants looked at him curiously, and it seemed as though the healers had been sworn to silence in his presence, for when they came to remove the messy remains of threads from this lips he could get not a word from them. Their silence was more suspicious than if they had spoken to him, for it meant they knew something, something about him, that he could not know.

Loki could not believe that Frigga had yet to visit him, either. Even after everything he had done, she had still been there pleading for mercy on his behalf before the Allfather a year ago. And yet she was abandoning him now? He could not believe it. She must be being kept from him, for some reason.

For all of Thor’s oafishness, he was a surprisingly vigilant in his guard over him. Sneaking out to find answers, at least as long as Thor refused to leave his chambers, was impossible. Perhaps he could have managed it if he had his magic, but that was thoroughly repressed by the cuffs weighing heavily upon his nimble wrists.  


If he could not seek answers from the outside, he would simply have to get them from his brother, somehow.

Loki had to assume that the primary reason Thor was dodging his questioning looks and inquiries about the past year was due to the lack of trust between them now. As much as he wanted to blame everything that had happened on his foolish brother, and he did for the most part, Loki was not blind to the fact that he himself would have to be the one to rebuild the bridge between them. Or, at least, the illusion of a bridge, one just strong enough to allow answers to pass from Thor to him.

Loki found it surprisingly easy to permit Thor’s acts of tenderness, to lean into the soft touches and sit still within the large warm arms of his brother. It was surprising because it felt so normal, like he was merely continuing to do what he had done his whole life. 

It somehow felt more natural to sleep whilst held securely in Thor’s embrace than it was to sleep alone. Even before his fall from the Bifrost, when they made nightly visits to each other’s chambers, Loki had never allowed much cuddling afterwards. And yet, now it seemed he could sleep well no other way. He would shift restlessly and find himself shivering beneath the blankets on the couch on the nights he resisted climbing into Thor’s bed. As soon as he closed his eyes, it felt as though he were completely exposed, weak, and chilled to the bone. He would catch faint scents of rot and wet stone. He would feel immobile, like he was being bound in place where he lay. The only way to escape these unnerving sensations was to seek out Thor’s warmth. Once enveloped in his brother’s scent and body heat, it was if nothing else could reach him and he was safe.

But of course he was safe. Why did he so often feel like he wasn’t? Creeping sensations, odd smells, a feeling of intense thirst when he had no reason to be. The longer it went on, the more desperately Loki needed answers.

Loki decided that instead of merely tolerating Thor’s gentle caresses and constant proximity, he could encourage it. He would show his brother how relaxed he was with it, how he so completely accepted and trusted Thor. He would sooth the golden prince with his own touches rather than just receive them.

Thor was allowed into the bath with him, where Loki would sit close to his brother despite the plentiful room the steaming pools allowed. When Thor made to help Loki scrub his back, he allowed it, then hummed in contentment and returned the favor by washing his brother’s hair.

If Thor thought this new acceptance and warmth between them was strange, he certainly didn’t show it. Thor would beam happily when Loki climbed into his lap or pulled him down to rest his head on Loki’s slender thighs as they both basked in the afternoon sun from the couch and Loki read.

Loki initiated kisses, gradually and carefully deepening them. He could only get to the point where Thor moaned with satisfaction, however, before his brother seemed to realize himself and break away from him, though never actually pulling out of Loki’s arms.

For all of this hard work, Thor would still tell him nothing. Loki felt himself changing, or perhaps changed already, from the lazy and doting expressions of love between them, and he hated it. There was no point nor power in such a relationship, so stagnant and calm and comfortable. All it meant was that Thor now felt he could avoid Loki’s questions with kisses and suggestions of new ways for them to lie about and “enjoy this time together”.

“Come now, Loki, why think about a time that matters not? We are together at last, let us revel in it a bit longer.”

This was going nowhere. Loki would have to push harder, try something new and more drastic. Perhaps he could employ a different method, one that would satisfy them both immensely.


	16. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor woke when he felt a familiar weight on top of him, straddling him. 
> 
> His eyes opened to see Loki perch atop him, looking down at Thor with green eyes even darker than usual, clearly hungry with want. Loki didn’t wait for Thor to speak, probably knowing that his brother was going to protest, before he began rolling his hips lewdly and rubbing their bodies in a way that pulled a moan from Thor even before he was fully conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So....this chapter is mostly porn. There are some plot-significant moments in this chapter, but they will be recapped in the next. Skipping this probably won't affect your ability to follow the plot, if this is not something you want to read.

Thor woke when he felt a familiar weight on top of him, straddling him. 

His eyes opened to see Loki perch atop him, looking down at Thor with green eyes even darker than usual, clearly hungry with want. The trickster was gorgeous, wearing nothing, it seemed, but an emerald robe with gold embroidery, the silken fabric falling open about his brother’s pale, slender torso. He was still far too thin, but he was better. There was enough meat on his bones now for Thor to look on him with more than just concern, and look upon him he did.

Loki didn’t wait for Thor to speak, probably knowing that his brother was going to protest, before he began rolling his hips lewdly and rubbing their bodies in a way that pulled a moan from Thor even before he was fully conscious.

For half a moment, Thor wanted to let him continue, but then he furrowed his brow and returned to his senses. He took hold of the liesmith’s narrow hips, forcing them to be still. “We cannot, Loki. Please, do not do this.”

After what Loki had been through in the dungeons, even if he could not remember it, Thor did not think it was right for him to allow his brother to continue. Besides, there was rarely a day when Thor did not have to remind himself that Loki was whole again. How could he let Loki do this, so soon still after his return?

“Why not? Did you not miss me this past year? Haven’t you burned for me while I was away?” Loki purred, his nimble fingers delving under Thor’s tunic, sliding it up the thunderer’s strong torso. The hands then slid back down Thor’s rapidly rising and falling chest, lower still until they were pressing and teasing at the waistline of his pants. “Show me how much you missed me,” he murmured, voice low and absolutely lustful.

“I cannot, Loki. Not now,” Thor said breathlessly, the words sounding almost pleading. He stopped Loki’s exploring hand, his thick fingers wrapping almost all the way around his brother’s lithe little wrist.

“Why? Are you still angry with me for what I did to your precious Midgard? Then feel free to punish me if that’s how you want to do it.” Loki bent over him, flicking his tongue over Thor’s bottom lip teasingly before crushing their mouths together.

If only Midgard were the only reason. If only it were anger with Loki that was keeping him from wanting this. That would be far better than the images of the scared creature that had lain atop him while they slept. The frightened shell of his brother that whimpered in terror whenever Thor so much as grazed a hand over his waist or thigh.

Thor tried pulling away, but Loki followed; Thor could only press his head back into the pillow so hard. That wicked tongue coaxed his lips open before he knew that he was allowing it. It was like Loki was forcing him to swallow a haze of lust, pouring it down his throat and clouding his mind until he could barely think of anything other than how much he wanted Loki to keep grinding against him.

The excitement at having Loki back, kissing him and desiring him as he had so often before, made it easy to fall into the past. Thor released Loki’s hand, encouraged those slender hips to press harder, reached up and tangled fingers in that dark hair. The loose green clothes keeping Loki’s beautiful skin from him were pulled away and tossed to the floor.

Thor could feel Loki’s little smirk at his victory, though that was quickly wiped away with another deep, passionate kiss. They were so hungry for each other, so desperate to claim and be claimed that everything blurred until they were both fully undressed. Loki straightened, reaching behind himself with slicked fingers; he must have known he would get his way, and he had brought what he needed into the bed. He opened himself up for Thor, the sight of his arching back and look of strain and pleasure pulled a low moan from Thor. With his raven haired head thrown back, mouth gently parted to allow soft sounds to slip free, Loki was perfect. His body was so thin, his skin too pale, but he somehow managed to appear utterly flawless.

"You've wanted to touch me this whole year, haven't you?" Loki asked, voice husky and face flushed beautifully. 

Thor hesitated to answer, his lust encouraging him to reply to Loki, but something else nagging at him to speak carefully. "I have always wanted you," he replied, smiling up at his lewd brother, who seemed to sigh at his words, though the sound could just as likely have been due to something his fingers had done. 

Thor admired him while Loki worked three fingers in and out of his own body, admired him right up until his brother was sinking down onto his cock. Thor caught the little wince that made its way into Loki’s expression, and very nearly asked if they should stop, but then the pain had slipped away, or been very well masked, and Loki took him inside the rest of the way.

"Come on," Loki encouraged breathlessly, fingers pressing hard into Thor's skin. "I've been without this for so long. Help me work out all of the stiffness from my stasis." The trickster lifted his hips slightly and sunk back down, getting used to the stretch while also driving Thor mad as he tried to restrain himself from thrusting upwards.

So many horrid thoughts wanted to rush into Thor's mind after Loki's words, and he hoped the disgust didn't show in the moment before he pushed them all away and returned his focus instead to the glorious feeling of being inside Loki again. "Do not talk about how you were before anymore," Thor groaned. "Just move already."

Loki was so eager, rolling his hips and working Thor in and out of him like he would never have enough of it. He moaned and gasped and fucked himself on Thor’s cock, and Thor wanted to enjoy it so much more than he was. Loki felt more perfect than he ever had, wonderfully tight and burning so hot just for Thor. But there was something off about it all; the feeling that he shouldn’t be doing this, not when Loki had been something completely different only days before.

Thor took firm hold of Loki’s hips and rolled them over, pulling out for only a moment so he might maneuver Loki onto his stomach with his face in a pillow and his hips raised and begging for more. He got Loki to start moaning his name like this, with a firm grip on the back of trickster’s head and his hip. Thor was able to thrust in harder, deeper this way, and more importantly, he was able to think less. He growled for Loki to scream his name while pounding into him hard enough to make the bed thunk against the wall. And Loki obeyed, Thor’s name coming out in pleasured moans, then desperate pleas.

Loki suddenly became so tight around him, every inch of his slender body trembling. Thor could see his brother’s white-knuckled grip on the sheets, and heard Loki’s voice break as he screamed and sobbed. Thor couldn’t hold out whenever Loki came that hard, and found himself following the trickster over the edge, barely pulling out in time before his pleasure spattered the bedsheets beneath them.

Loki was still shivering when Thor came back to himself, draped heavily over his brother’s glistening back. Thor lay gentle kisses across the backs of Loki’s shoulders, his large hands soothing as they moved over the liesmith’s hips and sides.

Thor fell to the side and tried to pull Loki to him, but his brother would not turn his way.

“Loki?” he asked softly, caressing along the trickster’s arm. His brother was taking slow breaths, his trembling fading until he finally seemed at peace again. “Loki? Are you alright?”


	17. No Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki needed to know what that vision had been. When had this happened? Where? Did it actually happen to him?
> 
> Did he truly want to know the answer?
> 
> Loki closed his eyes and sought images, explanations in the blackness. Instead of pushing away the strange feeling of cold and the faint scent of wet stone and filth, he tried see more of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was gone for a while! I took a little Eurotrip and am finally home again! Thank you to everyone who has continued to support this story. I hope you will like this angsty chapter.
> 
> The next chapter will be the final one. I am still debating whether or not to have an Epilogue.

Loki took a long, deep breath before turning over and looking back at Thor. He could feel that his cheeks were still moist, though he hadn’t cried much. It was just a moment, really. That moment that had felt like years. “It’s nothing,” he assured his ever-concerned brother, putting on a bit of a smile to really sell it. Thor believed him, like he always did. “It’s just been so long since I felt so good.”

There it was. That look again. Thor’s face darkened, that expression of guilt, of pain.

Loki was beginning to understand now.

“I’m tired,” Loki informed, reaching out a hand to brush his fingers over Thor’s face and smooth away that terrible look. Loki turned over in the next moment, pulling the blankets up high on his shoulders. He felt Thor shifting to press his chest to Loki’s back, then curl around him so their bodies fit together perfectly. Loki did not protest.

He closed his eyes, and whether he wanted to or not, he remembered what he had experienced; with Thor pounding into him, he had seen something.

Red and white, darkness and the feeling of heat that was going to smother him. There had been terror and pain; bodies surrounding him, crushing against him, inside of him. There was icy cold, then heat that was so much worse. Pressure and agony from his stomach, from his lips, and hands, and hips.

He had felt it all in an instant, just in the moment before Thor had gripped him tight and came. The flash of sensation passed and he was able to focus on Thor, to scream and moan for Thor so he would remember where he was and who he was with. He had made himself scream his brother’s name for that very reason, for every trace of pleasure from being taken by Thor had been extinguished in that moment.

Thor had been too caught up in his own pleasure to notice that Loki had not cum too, or had simply assumed that he had during that agonizing moment. That moment, the one that Loki had to violently yank himself back from so that his mask would not crumble completely. 

But now he needed to know what that vision had been. When had this happened? Where? Did it actually happen to him?

Did he want to know the answer?

Loki closed his eyes and sought images, explanations in the blackness. Instead of pushing away the strange feeling of cold and the faint scent of wet stone and filth, he tried see more of it.

Thin tendrils of light, flickering from somewhere just beyond his sight. Echoing footsteps, many pairs of them, upon hard stone. Deep voices, but he could not catch any words. He turned his attention from the surrounds.

He could feel moisture on his toes, his legs felt numb, so weak that they barely seemed attached to him at all. Higher. His thighs burned in patches, like he’d been struck there. Higher still. No, his mind made him skip over that area. Down from his fingers, then. His fingers felt stiff and frozen, and he could not seem to move them either. His arms were strained and tired, his neck bent forward until his chin almost touched his chest. His shoulders where littered with places that bloomed with soreness and prickles of discomfort. Lower. His ribs felt wrong against the flesh of his chest, as if they were trying to push their way out of his skin. Lower still. His abdomen and hips. He could feel it now, and he wished he hadn’t sought it out. Pain, so much pain. It shot through him from his hips up his spine, pain so severe that it made Loki audibly gasp.

Thor’s large, warm hands wrapped around Loki’s stomach and rubbed soothingly.

Loki’s eyes shot open and he launched himself from the bed, his foot tangling in a blanket and causing him to hit the ground side-ways, nearly knocking the wind out of him. Pain in his hip and thigh again, yet somehow so different from the agony that had seemed to pulse outwards from inside of him before.

“Loki?! What happened? Are you alright?” Thor was already at his side, trying to help him sit up, but Loki pulled himself away, scrambling back until he made contact with the nightstand.

Loki’s hands were at his abdomen, fingers curled into the skin and gripping in a way that should have been painful, but it barely registered to him now.

Thor looked down at those trembling, roughly grabbing hands, then he appeared just as terrified as Loki felt. When he looked back up at Loki’s face, it was clear that he knew. He knew exactly why Loki was reacting this way, and Loki wasn’t even himself enough to be angry about that.

“A-A nightmare, I think,” Loki heard himself say, having to swallow hard mid-way through to even say that much. He should be asking what he had seen. He needed to demand answers from Thor this very instant.

He couldn’t do it. It felt like he was withdrawing into himself, down a path that his mind already knew well. If he asked, then he would not be able to escape the vision. He couldn’t go back there, his mind would fill with darkness before he could. He felt the soothing blackness of unconsciousness tugging at the edges of his mind already, just trying to protect him from what he had seen.

“Yes, it was only a nightmare, Brother,” Thor murmured, suddenly so close, filling Loki’s field of vision and forcing his full attention to return to the golden prince before him. “You are safe,” Thor shushed and soothed him, drawing up beside him to pull Loki to lean against him. He kissed Loki’s forehead, then pressed his lips against his dark hair. “I am here. I will protect you,” he vowed softly, as if he could really defend Loki from his own thoughts.

Thor could not protect him. He hadn’t protected him. “Wasn’t a nightmare…” Loki breathed, his body shuddering hard as soon as the words were exhaled, as he forced himself to accept this fact. 

Thor’s body stiffened beside him, his soothing hands freezing in place.

**Author's Note:**

> The characters belong to Marvel.


End file.
